a Little Moments

Renovation is my thing. I'm obsessed with house renovation. The reason is that I bought an existing house that I didn't like but still agree because the location is good. I'm thinking about driving my kids to school so I need some good access for that. But in return, I spend a lot of money to make my home more me. Almost every year our house is being renovated, one area can change many times. Our parents are upset about it and try to persuade us to buy another one, but we still love it because the location is very strategic. It is close to our parent's house and still in fair distance to hubby's office.

Now hubby's doing work from home, we need another space to be more conducive, so we plan to build the mezzanine. We hired an architect because we didn't know the right way, surprisingly the result is beyond expectation. He makes a big picture of the whole house when we only asked to renovate a little part of the house. He gives us a vision about the potential to be a more beautiful house.

I wish I did that in my first renovation. There will be more efficient in time and money. If you have the same experience in buying an existing house, don't think partially, you need to have a good plan for the whole house. My mistake is I only renovate one room each year.

How about the result? It's quite good but some time and money are wasted because I keep changing my urge. It will be different when I hired an expert from the beginning. With good design, you can efficiently renovate the house and do that gradually in the right way.

Don't ever doubt to pay for the design, it's worth it. The most important is to ask about the big picture, you may have a new vision of the house that you never imagine in the first place.

“knowing” something is not the same as being an expert on it.

Craft Kitchen And Bath, 5 Mistakes That Will Wreck Your Kitchen Remodel & How To Avoid Them, accessed 30 July 2021, <https://craftkitchenandbath.com/avoid-5-mistakes-kitchen-remodel/>

A year ago I began to watch a vlog about mom's life. I wonder why a mom with many kids can be so productive and apparently one of the answers is about independent play.

Children need time alone to play. It gives a lot of benefits such as emotional regulation, social independence, self-confidence, self-reliance, better learners. You can read the explanation here Why Independent Play is Important for Children

When I moved to my new house, I got stuck with my 2 years old child since hubby was always busy working and come home above 6 p.m. She always wants to be accompanied, which makes me struggle very much because I didn't have my own space. I let that happen for years because I think it's just a normal phase but I was very wrong. My mistake is I didn't encourage her to play alone.

Learning from my mistake, I try to give different treatment to my second child. I train him to play alone since he was 2 years old. I'm giving him a safe space to play and read a book. I declutter the toys and books so that he can found and reaches things easily.

I make myself busy with asking my mom to replace the maid's role for cooking. I got 2 benefits from this independent play. First, I can learn how to cook from my mom and the second is my boy can have quiet time to play alone.

The first difficult thing when I train him is to not make eye contact or talk. It's a habit to make a compliment when he makes some achievement. But when I know the tips I try to hold all the comments. There are some tips to train the kids to entertain themselves. I learned it from here

So yeah now the second born is more understandable, he will wait patiently when I go somewhere or even just to the bathroom. He will play or read a book by himself waiting for me. When I need to go out of town, he acted slowly, he said "that's okay mom, I will play puzzle while waiting for you". It succeeds, now I can do what I love, I got more productive than a few years ago when I only took care of one child.

There is one thing I got regret most in my life and that was about breastfeeding my number two. Back when I was pregnant my doctor gives me vitamin D because I tend to be deficient and the effect I guess my baby's teeth come in very quickly. In his first year, he already has 8 teeth.

 It's hurt when I breastfeeding him, but sometimes I can endure the pain. I just use some lanolin cream to treat the sore but it never gets better, so I just keep trying other creams but the result still the same. I endure it for weeks till it gets worst. I came to the doctor and she said I can't have direct breastfeeding for 3 days so the wound can heal quickly. she also gives me antibiotics.

It's heartbreaking because it also affects breast milk, and my boy seems to forget about me.  I try to breastfeed him again but he keeps rejecting me.  He never wake up again in the night. I wish I can give breast milk for two years but sadly he doesn't want it.

If only I didn't give up quickly. If only I try to find help from an expert about relactation. I never know there is a thing called relactation. If you have same problem like me you may need to read this article "How to Start Breastfeeding Again If You’ve Stopped (or Never Started)".

If only I go to the doctor immediately. Don't hold the pain, it might be okay for you but not for your child.

So many things to regret :( Sometimes I wish I have another child just to get the experience again but I don't think I can handle it hahaha.

There are some reasons why I didn't have the confidence to teach hijaiyah letter. First, I was in a Christian school until the age of 10, Second I don't know why I should recite Quran. My parent called a teacher to home but I never took it seriously, no makhraj no tajwid, so I only read Quran when I took the lesson, after that, I never touch it.

When I was 17, I started to learn how to read properly, it's because I need to pass the graduation test. I still remember how my friend, Devi, taught me the tajwid every day after school. After passed the test, the motivation to recite Quran was gone again until I got pregnant with my firstborn. It may be the first time I read it seriously because recite or listen to Quran can give a big impact on a baby's intelligence.

When my daughter is in kindergarten, I let her took an extra hour to learn hijaiyah letter. At that time, my ability was still limited, I already learn from many books but my mistake is I didn't find a teacher so I never know whether the makhraj is right or wrong. Because of that, I let others teach my daughter and I'm regretting it now.

When you read Quran you will get rewarded for every letter. It is not 1 surah, not 1 ayat, not 1 word, but you will be rewarded for each letter that is recited from the verses of the Quran. So when my daughter reads the Quran, not only she will be rewarded but the teacher got it also. That's is why I'm so sad, so remember, do not let others teach hijaiyah to your child. Second born I'm ready now hahaha. I just found a website that provides free printables for kids, you can click here [caption id="attachment_370" align="aligncenter" width="212"] Hijaiyah Poster[/caption]

Moving to a smaller house is difficult for me. It's not even a quarter from my parent's house but I didn't regret it because I'm the one who made the decision. It feels cramped actually haha. To make it feel better I start buying the furniture, shelving unit, etc. At first, it makes me happy but later I got stress because the clutter makes my space smaller. I already try to organize the stuff but you know when you have a kid you can't expect things tidy. I hate to see the messy so I spend much time cleaning up to make it more relax.
 
The first time we move into the house, our goal is to fill it with furniture but then the size is wrong so space feels more cramped. To solve the problem I try to sell and give it to friend and family that might need it. After that, I find another piece of furniture that more flexible and buy some storage to make everything tidier. I keep spending money on something that temporary. I keep changing my mind to make space feel more spacious but it never went well.

In 2018 when I pregnant with my second born,  I start to think about how to be efficient and one book about minimalism is saving me, the title is goodbye, things: The New Japanese Minimalism by Fumio Sasaki.

I start to realize that I made a mistake. I always think about how to be more organized to make the space more spacious but I was wrong because the answer is about things, not storage. Things take my space, my time to clean them, and my money to buy storage.

Then I start to sort my stuff, I give a lot of things to others and keep that useful for me. I didn't keep things that I think will be useful later. I make them more valuable because others might need them right now. The house feels more peaceful even with echoing because the house is almost empty. Actually, the point of minimalism isn't about having empty space but in my case, I guess I have too much stuff that I don't need hahaha. It takes time, but it's worth it. I started 3 years ago and I finally succeed.

This new lifestyle has changed my perspective on buying things. I can now spend money on something that is more important. It helps me to pay off the debt, you can see my other post about it here.

In the beginning, I find difficult to live in my current house but now it's different. My current house is a good size for us. It's easier to maintain. I can't imagine if I need to live in a big house like my parent's house. I only need their garden. I hope later I can have my dream home, with enough space like my current house but with a big garden.

Before telling you how we get out of debt, let me tell you how we get in trouble. It starts when I want an ideal life. Got married, buy a house, car, and insurance. I think it's effortless to have everything, we only need to provide monthly payments and we are safe. We thought we just need to be patient to pay the installment, 15 years for the house and 5 years for a car. But things are different, when we have debt, our finances are a mess.

After we pay the installment, we suddenly feel a shortage so we use a credit card to fulfill other things like impulsive buying and eating in a fancy restaurant. We never got a problem paying the installment because we only pay the minimum. We forget about the interest that gets bigger and bigger until the monthly minimum payment of credit card is the same number as our home installment.
 
We then realize the mistake so when hubby got a bonus, we always try to pay some big amount for house installment and settle the credit card. It helps us to reduce the interest but we are never really debt-free because we always start to use a credit card again, sometimes we use any excuse to buy things for example 0% installment. Consumerism never stops.

After 3 years I realize that everything is wrong in the first place. My friend reminds me about riba and I finally understand why our life is a mess. We started to have a goal to get out of debt and here are our way to do that:
1. Stop consumerism, only buy things when you have money.
2. Get rid of a credit card by paying extra money every month. When you finally pay off the balance, call the bank and ask them to cancel a credit card. Then you need to check again the record a few months later. When everything is good, destroy the credit card. When you pass step 1, it will be much easier to do.
3. Pay extra money on the house installment. It's not only reducing the monthly interest but also reducing the principal loan amount significantly.
4. Sell everything you have. I was planning to sell the car to reduce the debt but my sister stops me just a few moments before hubby sent a car to the showroom. We had already agreed on the price but in the end, it got canceled because my sister said she wanted to lend me money. Along with that my parent also lend me money. I guess I'm pretty lucky that we can move the loan from the bank to my family so we stop paying the interest. I  believe that all the favor comes because I want to get out of riba, so don't give up.
5. You may be in shortage but you can still be giving. Don't be afraid to give because after that you will never feel lacking again.

I thought I will pay off the debt when my daughter in junior high school but Alhamdulillah we can do that when she is still in elementary school. I'm grateful that we figure out the mistakes earlier.

More from elinamaikamom: Deciding to Be a Stay at Home Mom

There is no doubt to resign when I deciding to be a stay-at-home mom. I love my job but at the same time, I don't want to depend on others to raise my child. My boss tries to persuade me but I refused because my contribution to the company might be very very small compare to my child. After all, I'm their world. I just need to wait for a  few years to begin again. So yeah I left my job with pride and then got stress for years hahaha.

It was crazy, it took a long long time for me to accept it. I cry a lot and my husband just said "you make the decision why don't you take the consequences as well." The situation becomes more difficult because I move out of town far away from my family and friends. For a moment I can only count on hubby. This picture describes me very well 😁.

via MEME

Being with a kid for 24 hours is exhausted. I feel bored, lonely, and useless. Sometimes I feel my education is wasted because I can't do anything while taking care of my child. The task seems small but it took a lot of energy. My situation just got better when I enter her into a playgroup. I start making a friend with another mom. It helps me to slowly accept the situation. But still, it feels empty because I have no goal for my life. I try to found things that can work along with kids. But always failed because I didn't know how to make my kid detach from me. Until a year ago I discover about independent play. You can read about this here

One other thing that make me stress is the lack of finances because of the debts. We bought the old house, motorcycle, and car with credit. Our income reduce a lot because of the debt so to fulfill other needs we use a credit card too. So the debts are become higher and higher.

I feel like it was normal because everybody also does that but I was very wrong. I started to have a goal in my life and that was to get out of debt. It took 4-5 years to be free from debt and I guess it was the time when I start to enjoy the part of being stay at home mom. There is more flexibility when the financial not too tight. It helps me to be a happier mom.

The conclusion: There are two things that help me to finally enjoy my role as stay-at-home-mom. First is being debt free and the second is being more productive.

There are a lot of reasons why reading is important but before that, I'll tell you my story. A long ago when I was born, my mom was very busy because at that time she needs to take care of me, my big sister, and also all the chores without any assistant. She told me that she seldom read me a book. So every day she will let me play with my sister.

Things are different with my sister, my mom usually reads her a lot of books since she was a baby. It makes her grew up as a bookworm. She has good knowledge that makes her become a talkative person. She is also better at writing lessons while I find it difficult to string the words.

Now you see the importance of reading. It helps you with vocabulary, start a conversation and overcome stress. It helps you with everything. If you don’t like reading, you may not found the topic yet, just keep exploring. I used to hate books, but now I love them because now I have kids hahaha.

You know when you have kids, a lot of things happen, bam bam bam, you can't handle it well unless you learn about them. When you know the reason why kids act something, you won't get stress. This might be the beginning of my interest in books.

Now about my kids, the firstborn got her first reading routine when she was 3 years old. It's a little bit late actually, but not really. It starts when we went to Sydney and live with my sister for 2 months. She usually read her child a book before going to bed. So when I live there, I have the reading task since my nephew sleeps with me and my daughter. Those 2 months of experience make my daughter get interested in books.  I still remember the first book I read, the title is There's a Hippopotamus on Our Roof Eating Cake. They keep asked me to read this book for days.
 

 

I'm grateful to my sister because she taught me how to grow this reading interest at a young age. Now my second born loves books since he was a baby because the resources are a lot.

So for the conclusion, first you need to provide a lot of books and read them aloud and second, the most important is you need to make them visible everywhere because it attracts them to read even just to turn around the page.