You're not a superman/superwoman tomorrow, so do it today, right now, go. There's no different tomorrow, still the same you. One thing I remember from a book "hello, habits" by Fumio Sasaki.
A few days ago, I had difficulty controlling emotion when taking care of the kids. They make me upset because they didn't behave like I wish they did. They also see the bad things in me, and they follow what they see. I hate it because I can't make a good example for them.
Now my daughter imitates my temperament. When she was angry with her brother, I saw myself in her. I wish I could erase that bad experience in her head.
I realize that my children's behavior is my responsible. If I want them to be good, I should correct myself first. I try to hold the emotion, but sometimes the situation is not good, so I keep making the same mistake. One day I got the youtube link about parenting in the motherhood group, dr. Aisah Dahlan, CHt explained about surah Ali Imran:159. She always uses this verse to be her guide in handling the kids. Click here if you want to watch it.
It's about the importance of being gentle to the kids for whatever they do. It's about forgiving their mistake and also asking Allah SWT for their forgiveness. It's not easy and needs a lot of effort, but I'm grateful to know about this verse. I feel more confident in facing my fear of losing control. I also feel more comfortable because I don't feel alone to face the uncertain things about kids.
When I heard pizza, I was imagine something complex. Gratefully my sister recommends one recipe that really easy. This recipe has changed my point of view.
For the preparation, you only need cups. All ingredients are measure by cups and teaspoons. Just take a look at this resume.
We can make 4-6 medium pizzas with this recipe. My kids love this very much, the taste and also the process. They love taking part in adding the topping.
The original pizza dough recipe is coming from here. You need to watch the video before trying it.
My daughter loves Rubik's cube since she was three years old, but now she wants to take it seriously, she tries to find some tutorials, but she was too confused to start. So she asked me to solve it and teach her how to do it.
I once can solve this Rubik's cube in a complex way, so I doubt to teach her how to do it until I found a tutorial on Youtube, Tutorial Rubik 3x3. It's easy to understand. While learning the video, I make some notes to teach my daughter. Now I'm going to write it here.
There are four basic movements that you need to memorize (figure 1). All Rubik rotation is clockwise.
Besides F,U,R,L there are other movement called F',U',L' and R'. The only difference between F and F', is the rotation. F' needs to rotate counterclockwise and so the same treatment for U', R', and L'. Now let's begin the lesson.
The first part is to make a white cross with yellow as a center (figure 2). For this step, you may need to watch it directly from the video above. If figure 2 has been forming, we now continue to the next step, Match the color in layers 2 and 3 (figure 3), then move F twice. Do it for all sides until you get figure 4 as the result.
Now we enter Part 2,here is the link. In this part you need to identify the white color (star symbol) relatively to other color as you can see in figure 5. There are 2 formulas that you need to do based on the white position.
If white color in the left of green color, rotate layer 1 and 2 until you get figure 6 as a result. Now take a look at figure 7, place rubik in the right position, F symbol means a front side rubik that facing us, then use U'L'UL formula
If white color in the right of green color, rotate layer 1 and 2 until you get figure 8 as a result. Now take a look at figure 9, place rubik in the right position, F symbol means a front side rubik that facing us, then use URU'R' formula.
To be continued..
At Tariq Surah, my first long surah I can memorize, long for me means more than 15 verses. I'm so happy that I can do that. Thanks to my daughter, who has this school duty. I was worried that she must do it in a limited time, but I was wrong because it wasn't the case. I'm so glad I overheard the teacher in class that said he doesn't want to put pressure on the student so this memorize thing depends on the student's will and capability. Internalized intention is the most important.
My daughter has the intention but not the focus. If I didn't guide her, she would be in her world with Rubik's cube, movies, or books. There are 17 verses and a short time to memorize. I didn't force her because I also can't do that. In the end we learn together. I try to memorize 2-3 verses at once before I asked her to study. It might be her duty, but I'm struggling too. Do I regret putting her in Islamic school? Not at all. Honestly, I was in doubt when choosing her school, and I was scared to face this kind of duty because I have so many weaknesses. But now I'm so grateful because I can learn and get the motivation to memorize more surah. It's not about my daughter anymore, but it was for myself. Should I found teacher for me too??
Back to my daughter, she finally gets all verses to memorize on the last day. I was set goal for only 12 verses but apparently she can do it better. It's beyond expectation. She's happy that she can pass the test for all verses. This image represents her very well.
Now she asked me to memorize another surah, the longer one. Challenge accepted girl. I just found this article to help kids memorize the Quran, I hope we can move forward together.
When you read the title about perfect pancake, you might think about the recipe, but what I want to share is about how I found out the better way to do it.
It started when I follow Farah Quinn on Instagram. In her story, I learn how she teaches her toddler to cook pancakes. She often uses a blender to mixed all the ingredients and gets the perfect batter. I was amazed because I have done few experiments for pancake recipes, and it always whisks manually, so I never know about this before. It might be a small thing, but it makes things a lot easier, especially when I teach my daughter to cook. It can use for other recipes like crepes, rissoles, etc.
Usually, I need to accompany my daughter to make pancakes because she got troubled when mixed the ingredients. But things are different now. This new method has raised her confidence to cook. She will prepare the ingredients, mixed them, and cook on a hot buttered skillet by herself.
Pancake is her beginning, a food that leads to another experiment. She is not really into sweets, but she enjoys the experiments. I seldom buy her sweets because she never even glance at them. But when we made it at home, she will eat it for sure. I think maybe she tries to appreciate the process.
Anyway, to complete the experiment, I usually asked her to write the recipe so later she can easily recook it without losing time to browse the recipe again. Hopefully, when she grows up, she can have a recipe collection like my mom. His brother might be the one who will use it for the first time. I hope my boy also loves to cook.
A long ago, my definition of taking a break was to have time alone for relaxing activities. Every day I always wait for the kid's sleep time. It was the time when I finally have time to entertain myself with browsing and watching. Sometimes I lack sleep because I watch movies until dawn and become a cranky mom in the morning. My poor daughter is the one who got the impact because I was easily angry.
I feel my life is always flat until a few months ago I join a class and the trainer says that taking a break it's not always about lying around. It's about changing your activity. For example, when you are tired of the kid, try cooking. When you are tired of cooking, try to read a book, etc. The point is to take a break from one activity to another activity. When I knew about this, my life has changed. I didn't stick to rest at one time anymore. I feel I have a lot of me-time that let me enjoy my role as a stay-at-home mom.
No more waiting time: every second is valuable for me. I feel like I can do anything. Now children are no longer an obstacle to being productive. I even sleep early following my kids. It was around 9 pm, while a long time ago I always sleep around midnight. I didn't miss the nighttime because I already fulfill what I need and want to do in a day.
Since I sleep early, I also wake up early. I try to open my eyes around 3 am to 4 am, when my watch starts vibrating. If I am still exhausted, I usually sleep again and wake up at 5 am. On the other hand, when fully rested, I can read and pray in better quiet time. It was better than at night because I already do my homework to sleep well.
Anyway, let rest for a while because I need to do my laundry now :D
Renovation is my thing. I'm obsessed with house renovation. The reason is that I bought an existing house that I didn't like but still agree because the location is good. I'm thinking about driving my kids to school so I need some good access for that. But in return, I spend a lot of money to make my home more me. Almost every year our house is being renovated, one area can change many times. Our parents are upset about it and try to persuade us to buy another one, but we still love it because the location is very strategic. It is close to our parent's house and still in fair distance to hubby's office.
Now hubby's doing work from home, we need another space to be more conducive, so we plan to build the mezzanine. We hired an architect because we didn't know the right way, surprisingly the result is beyond expectation. He makes a big picture of the whole house when we only asked to renovate a little part of the house. He gives us a vision about the potential to be a more beautiful house.
I wish I did that in my first renovation. There will be more efficient in time and money. If you have the same experience in buying an existing house, don't think partially, you need to have a good plan for the whole house. My mistake is I only renovate one room each year.
How about the result? It's quite good but some time and money are wasted because I keep changing my urge. It will be different when I hired an expert from the beginning. With good design, you can efficiently renovate the house and do that gradually in the right way.
Don't ever doubt to pay for the design, it's worth it. The most important is to ask about the big picture, you may have a new vision of the house that you never imagine in the first place.
“knowing” something is not the same as being an expert on it.
Craft Kitchen And Bath, 5 Mistakes That Will Wreck Your Kitchen Remodel & How To Avoid Them, accessed 30 July 2021, <https://craftkitchenandbath.com/avoid-5-mistakes-kitchen-remodel/>
A year ago I began to watch a vlog about mom's life. I wonder why a mom with many kids can be so productive and apparently one of the answers is about independent play.
Children need time alone to play. It gives a lot of benefits such as emotional regulation, social independence, self-confidence, self-reliance, better learners. You can read the explanation here Why Independent Play is Important for Children
When I moved to my new house, I got stuck with my 2 years old child since hubby was always busy working and come home above 6 p.m. She always wants to be accompanied, which makes me struggle very much because I didn't have my own space. I let that happen for years because I think it's just a normal phase but I was very wrong. My mistake is I didn't encourage her to play alone.
Learning from my mistake, I try to give different treatment to my second child. I train him to play alone since he was 2 years old. I'm giving him a safe space to play and read a book. I declutter the toys and books so that he can found and reaches things easily.
I make myself busy with asking my mom to replace the maid's role for cooking. I got 2 benefits from this independent play. First, I can learn how to cook from my mom and the second is my boy can have quiet time to play alone.
The first difficult thing when I train him is to not make eye contact or talk. It's a habit to make a compliment when he makes some achievement. But when I know the tips I try to hold all the comments. There are some tips to train the kids to entertain themselves. I learned it from here
So yeah now the second born is more understandable, he will wait patiently when I go somewhere or even just to the bathroom. He will play or read a book by himself waiting for me. When I need to go out of town, he acted slowly, he said "that's okay mom, I will play puzzle while waiting for you". It succeeds, now I can do what I love, I got more productive than a few years ago when I only took care of one child.
There is one thing I got regret most in my life and that was about breastfeeding my number two. Back when I was pregnant my doctor gives me vitamin D because I tend to be deficient and the effect I guess my baby's teeth come in very quickly. In his first year, he already has 8 teeth.
It's hurt when I breastfeeding him, but sometimes I can endure the pain. I just use some lanolin cream to treat the sore but it never gets better, so I just keep trying other creams but the result still the same. I endure it for weeks till it gets worst. I came to the doctor and she said I can't have direct breastfeeding for 3 days so the wound can heal quickly. she also gives me antibiotics.
It's heartbreaking because it also affects breast milk, and my boy seems to forget about me. I try to breastfeed him again but he keeps rejecting me. He never wake up again in the night. I wish I can give breast milk for two years but sadly he doesn't want it.
If only I didn't give up quickly. If only I try to find help from an expert about relactation. I never know there is a thing called relactation. If you have same problem like me you may need to read this article "How to Start Breastfeeding Again If You’ve Stopped (or Never Started)".
If only I go to the doctor immediately. Don't hold the pain, it might be okay for you but not for your child.
So many things to regret :( Sometimes I wish I have another child just to get the experience again but I don't think I can handle it hahaha.
There are some reasons why I didn't have the confidence to teach hijaiyah letter. First, I was in a Christian school until the age of 10, Second I don't know why I should recite Quran. My parent called a teacher to home but I never took it seriously, no makhraj no tajwid, so I only read Quran when I took the lesson, after that, I never touch it.
When I was 17, I started to learn how to read properly, it's because I need to pass the graduation test. I still remember how my friend, Devi, taught me the tajwid every day after school. After passed the test, the motivation to recite Quran was gone again until I got pregnant with my firstborn. It may be the first time I read it seriously because recite or listen to Quran can give a big impact on a baby's intelligence.
When my daughter is in kindergarten, I let her took an extra hour to learn hijaiyah letter. At that time, my ability was still limited, I already learn from many books but my mistake is I didn't find a teacher so I never know whether the makhraj is right or wrong. Because of that, I let others teach my daughter and I'm regretting it now.
When you read Quran you will get rewarded for every letter. It is not 1 surah, not 1 ayat, not 1 word, but you will be rewarded for each letter that is recited from the verses of the Quran. So when my daughter reads the Quran, not only she will be rewarded but the teacher got it also. That's is why I'm so sad, so remember, do not let others teach hijaiyah to your child. Second born I'm ready now hahaha. I just found a website that provides free printables for kids, you can click here [caption id="attachment_370" align="aligncenter" width="212"]
Hijaiyah Poster[/caption]
Moving to a smaller house is difficult for me. It's not even a quarter from my parent's house but I didn't regret it because I'm the one who made the decision. It feels cramped actually haha. To make it feel better I start buying the furniture, shelving unit, etc. At first, it makes me happy but later I got stress because the clutter makes my space smaller. I already try to organize the stuff but you know when you have a kid you can't expect things tidy. I hate to see the messy so I spend much time cleaning up to make it more relax.
The first time we move into the house, our goal is to fill it with furniture but then the size is wrong so space feels more cramped. To solve the problem I try to sell and give it to friend and family that might need it. After that, I find another piece of furniture that more flexible and buy some storage to make everything tidier. I keep spending money on something that temporary. I keep changing my mind to make space feel more spacious but it never went well.
In 2018 when I pregnant with my second born, I start to think about how to be efficient and one book about minimalism is saving me, the title is goodbye, things: The New Japanese Minimalism by Fumio Sasaki.
I start to realize that I made a mistake. I always think about how to be more organized to make the space more spacious but I was wrong because the answer is about things, not storage. Things take my space, my time to clean them, and my money to buy storage.
Then I start to sort my stuff, I give a lot of things to others and keep that useful for me. I didn't keep things that I think will be useful later. I make them more valuable because others might need them right now. The house feels more peaceful even with echoing because the house is almost empty. Actually, the point of minimalism isn't about having empty space but in my case, I guess I have too much stuff that I don't need hahaha. It takes time, but it's worth it. I started 3 years ago and I finally succeed.
This new lifestyle has changed my perspective on buying things. I can now spend money on something that is more important. It helps me to pay off the debt, you can see my other post about it here.
In the beginning, I find difficult to live in my current house but now it's different. My current house is a good size for us. It's easier to maintain. I can't imagine if I need to live in a big house like my parent's house. I only need their garden. I hope later I can have my dream home, with enough space like my current house but with a big garden.
Before telling you how we get out of debt, let me tell you how we get in trouble. It starts when I want an ideal life. Got married, buy a house, car, and insurance. I think it's effortless to have everything, we only need to provide monthly payments and we are safe. We thought we just need to be patient to pay the installment, 15 years for the house and 5 years for a car. But things are different, when we have debt, our finances are a mess.
After we pay the installment, we suddenly feel a shortage so we use a credit card to fulfill other things like impulsive buying and eating in a fancy restaurant. We never got a problem paying the installment because we only pay the minimum. We forget about the interest that gets bigger and bigger until the monthly minimum payment of credit card is the same number as our home installment.
We then realize the mistake so when hubby got a bonus, we always try to pay some big amount for house installment and settle the credit card. It helps us to reduce the interest but we are never really debt-free because we always start to use a credit card again, sometimes we use any excuse to buy things for example 0% installment. Consumerism never stops.
After 3 years I realize that everything is wrong in the first place. My friend reminds me about riba and I finally understand why our life is a mess. We started to have a goal to get out of debt and here are our way to do that:
1. Stop consumerism, only buy things when you have money.
2. Get rid of a credit card by paying extra money every month. When you finally pay off the balance, call the bank and ask them to cancel a credit card. Then you need to check again the record a few months later. When everything is good, destroy the credit card. When you pass step 1, it will be much easier to do.
3. Pay extra money on the house installment. It's not only reducing the monthly interest but also reducing the principal loan amount significantly.
4. Sell everything you have. I was planning to sell the car to reduce the debt but my sister stops me just a few moments before hubby sent a car to the showroom. We had already agreed on the price but in the end, it got canceled because my sister said she wanted to lend me money. Along with that my parent also lend me money. I guess I'm pretty lucky that we can move the loan from the bank to my family so we stop paying the interest. I believe that all the favor comes because I want to get out of riba, so don't give up.
5. You may be in shortage but you can still be giving. Don't be afraid to give because after that you will never feel lacking again.
I thought I will pay off the debt when my daughter in junior high school but Alhamdulillah we can do that when she is still in elementary school. I'm grateful that we figure out the mistakes earlier.
More from elinamaikamom: Deciding to Be a Stay at Home Mom
There is no doubt to resign when I deciding to be a stay-at-home mom. I love my job but at the same time, I don't want to depend on others to raise my child. My boss tries to persuade me but I refused because my contribution to the company might be very very small compare to my child. After all, I'm their world. I just need to wait for a few years to begin again. So yeah I left my job with pride and then got stress for years hahaha.
It was crazy, it took a long long time for me to accept it. I cry a lot and my husband just said "you make the decision why don't you take the consequences as well." The situation becomes more difficult because I move out of town far away from my family and friends. For a moment I can only count on hubby. This picture describes me very well 😁.
via MEME
Being with a kid for 24 hours is exhausted. I feel bored, lonely, and useless. Sometimes I feel my education is wasted because I can't do anything while taking care of my child. The task seems small but it took a lot of energy. My situation just got better when I enter her into a playgroup. I start making a friend with another mom. It helps me to slowly accept the situation. But still, it feels empty because I have no goal for my life. I try to found things that can work along with kids. But always failed because I didn't know how to make my kid detach from me. Until a year ago I discover about independent play. You can read about this here
One other thing that make me stress is the lack of finances because of the debts. We bought the old house, motorcycle, and car with credit. Our income reduce a lot because of the debt so to fulfill other needs we use a credit card too. So the debts are become higher and higher.
I feel like it was normal because everybody also does that but I was very wrong. I started to have a goal in my life and that was to get out of debt. It took 4-5 years to be free from debt and I guess it was the time when I start to enjoy the part of being stay at home mom. There is more flexibility when the financial not too tight. It helps me to be a happier mom.
The conclusion: There are two things that help me to finally enjoy my role as stay-at-home-mom. First is being debt free and the second is being more productive.
There are a lot of reasons why reading is important but before that, I'll tell you my story. A long ago when I was born, my mom was very busy because at that time she needs to take care of me, my big sister, and also all the chores without any assistant. She told me that she seldom read me a book. So every day she will let me play with my sister.
Things are different with my sister, my mom usually reads her a lot of books since she was a baby. It makes her grew up as a bookworm. She has good knowledge that makes her become a talkative person. She is also better at writing lessons while I find it difficult to string the words.
Now you see the importance of reading. It helps you with vocabulary, start a conversation and overcome stress. It helps you with everything. If you don’t like reading, you may not found the topic yet, just keep exploring. I used to hate books, but now I love them because now I have kids hahaha.
You know when you have kids, a lot of things happen, bam bam bam, you can't handle it well unless you learn about them. When you know the reason why kids act something, you won't get stress. This might be the beginning of my interest in books.
Now about my kids, the firstborn got her first reading routine when she was 3 years old. It's a little bit late actually, but not really. It starts when we went to Sydney and live with my sister for 2 months. She usually read her child a book before going to bed. So when I live there, I have the reading task since my nephew sleeps with me and my daughter. Those 2 months of experience make my daughter get interested in books. I still remember the first book I read, the title is There's a Hippopotamus on Our Roof Eating Cake. They keep asked me to read this book for days.
I'm grateful to my sister because she taught me how to grow this reading interest at a young age. Now my second born loves books since he was a baby because the resources are a lot.
So for the conclusion, first you need to provide a lot of books and read them aloud and second, the most important is you need to make them visible everywhere because it attracts them to read even just to turn around the page.
Di umurnya sekarang anak kedua saya tiba2 bisa maen puzzle 24 pcs, dia baru dapet puzzle Bluey yang emang jadi favoritnya. Tiba2 juga bisa mewarnai dengan rapi, masih keluar garis tapi dia udah bisa tau gimana mewarnai yg penuh di satu objek. Anak ini juga punya perbendaharaan kata yang banyak.
Semua yang tiba2 ini mungkin karena dia banyak ngeliat dari anak saya yang pertama. Jadi kesimpulannya adalah lumayan juga investasi di anak yang pertama ya 😁
Tiga puluh lima tahun waktu yang saya butuhkan untuk ngerasain nikmatnya baca Quran. Rasanya ingin kembali ke waktu saya kuliah atau kerja di mana waktu tidak terikat orang lain dan saya bisa baca lebih banyak.
Keinginan untuk baca Quran baru ada beberapa tahun lalu. Saya beli banyak buku untuk bisa baca Quran dengan benar. Tapi ya itu tetep jalan di tempat. Selalu nyoba buat baca tapi selalu berakhir ngantuk, baca artinya pun tetep aja ngantuk.
Sampai denger ceramah kalau belajar ngaji itu harus ada gurunya, ga bisa jalan sendiri. Awal2 berharap misua yang ngajar tapi karena waktunya ga tentu ya buyar aja gt ga jelas. Akhirnya coba nyari kursus sekalian privat dan bener aja rasanya lebih pede.
Banyak hal yang terlewat saat belajar sendiri dan ketemu pas kursus. Saat mulai percaya diri, baca Quran jadi nyenengin, trus mulailah penasaran sama artinya. Jadi sekarang tiap baca 1 ayat baca juga artinya, walaupun banyak yang ga ngerti tapi tetep nikmat dan yang utama ga ada lagi rasa ngantuk kaya dulu hahah.
Walaupun selalu nyesel kenapa ga dari dulu belajarnya tapi saya sangat bersyukur masih dibukakan jalan untuk kenikmatan ini.
Alhamdulillah
